i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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