Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
