rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so let's talk penis.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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