if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i came on her dog
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize