so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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