I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
