I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
