I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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