i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
