You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
