Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
