I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
