why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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