Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
