So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
