Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
