Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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