It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize