i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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