I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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