it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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