I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
