Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
