I can't watch pbs sober anymore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
