when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
