That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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