everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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