i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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