when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
