New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
