1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
