I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You need a sexual gate keeper
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize