She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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