Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
