she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
