How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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