somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
