you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize