Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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