I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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