I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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