I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
