Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
