Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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