I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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