Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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