things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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