The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Randomize
