I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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