So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize