He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
