if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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