I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
