I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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