They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
