All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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