dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
