would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize