i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The Olympian is in my bed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
