How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
