my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
