I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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