3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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