Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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