He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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