For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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