Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
