i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
