I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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