I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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