I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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