i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he shaved USA in his pubs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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