At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
