you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it was like eating out sand paper
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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