jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize