Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
