then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
