Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
