before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
