My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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