I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
