So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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