if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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