She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
