my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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