About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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