did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
