im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
