apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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