Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
did i walk over a car last night?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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