Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize