sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
