Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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