I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
