U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
