I just pynch a tree in the face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
